I seriously have so much on my mind right now. Its literally running 9865874354165 miles a minute! I have a final essay to do by midnight at Thursday, I have to get my lazy ass to the gym, I must have sex with my amazing husband (will explain) I have to plan for the 4th of July, get ready for 2 summer classes that start next week, give Boston a bath, get a kitty spayed, pick out paint, clean out our closet....all this while my heart breaks for Mikey.

First, the sad stuff. Mike and I were driving home from the driving range last night and got into a little discussion about family, how everyone is so different, and thats its ok to not like certain people and not get along with certain people. We stopped at Sonic to get some drinks (they have the best summer drinks) and all of a sudden Mike wouldn't look at me. He sniffled and my heart sank. I knew he was crying. To make a long story short- Mike and his older brother have drifted apart over the last few years. They are 2 different people, who see the world much differently and are on 2 different pages in their lives. We talked about how they don't really get along, definitely don't agree on much, and how family get togethers seem like a chore. I was so heartbroken for him- me and my brother are about the same distance in age, but we are very close. Mike said "he just isn't the same to me anymore. He is a different person. I miss my big brother." UGHH. It was awful. I felt completely helpless. I explained to him that people change, and he understands that, but it still doesn't make this any easier. Things change when priorities change, and I am sure Mike and I will get there someday. He is just tired of being cast aside like he doesn't matter. He is tired of being the black sheep of his family, and wants to be looked at like the man he truly is. He has a house, a wife, a family of his own, a job, and a life of his own. People need to stop treating him like "little Mikey." Family get togethers should not automatically become babysitting jobs, and thats all they are to Mike and I anymore. No one ever asks how we are (it doesn't bother me because I just don't care enough) but I know it bothers Mike. No one seems to care about whats going on in his life, whats important to him...its all about the kids. THE DAMN KIDS! I say it like its their fault, and its not. Its the people who don't care about anyone but themselves and how cute their kids are and how cute it was that their kid took a shit today. WHOO-FUCKING-HOO! We don't care. We are at a place in our life where we don't even like kids and we don't want to be around kids. Hate us all you want, but at least we are honest. I don't like fake and I definitely do not like people who put on this display that their life is perfect. No one is perfect. I don't like people that have to be the center of attention, that have to be on top all the time, and that need other people's praises. It makes me sick. I don't even know where I am going with all of this. Bottom line- I feel for Mike. I feel terrible for him. I wish there was something I could do. The person I love most in this world is hurting and its not fair. He is such a good person and doesn't deserve to be treated like a second class citizen is his own family. He was the last to find out what the plan was for his own mothers 60'th birthday. That is a crime.


Good stuff- we are right in the middle of picking out paint colors for our house, planning a few vacations, and Mike's birthday is next week! I have something very special planned for him. I have an amazing family, great friends, and I am married to my best friend. Life is pretty good right now. Lets face it, it could be a lot worse. Ohh! Not that everyone wants to hear about our amazing sex life (I don't gloat like other people) but I just had the thought that after that huge rant about kids- it would be just our luck that we get pregnant soon. Don't be a fool and wrap your tool! If it does happen sooner than we want, then so be it. Thats life and you roll with the punches. However, we are still undecided on whether or not we want kids at all. Only the future will tell!! :)


GRRRRRRRRRR! Let me just say that I am so incredibly mad for Mike right now. He is too nice to get mad so I'll do it for him. I am not afraid to tell people how I feel and if it hurts their feelings then so be it, at least I am honest. That's all I have to keep telling myself.

Weird day.

Today has been quite the day in Hollywood. First, Farrah Fawcett dies. Now Michael Jackson. Two amazing icons! I am quite the emotional person, and feel sad when anyone dies. But for some reason, I have been the biggest cry baby all day.

I obviously did not know Farrah, we have never met, and she was popular in my parents generation. I did happen to catch her cancer special, which was a very emotional hour of television. If you have not watched it, I suggest you do. Its inspiring, awful, sad, and enlightening all at the same time. Its like here is this person, this beautiful, good person, who has been handed their death sentence, and she still manages to find peace in her life. I am not as brave as her, or any cancer patient, and I probably never will be. I will (and I say will because I have this pessemistic theory that we all have cancer, we just don't know it) be the person who will always be asking "why me" and crying and whining about what I have to go through, how life isn't fair, and that I didn't deserve this.

On the day of her death, I couldn't help but think of Gram. It's almost been a year and I still cannot even think of her without crawling into a corner and bawling my eyes out. I'm heartbroken that she isn't here anymore. She didn't get to see the wedding she always told her doctors she was sticking around for. She didn't get to dance with my dad like she wanted. All I can think of are the things we didn't get to share together and the things I never told her. I feel so selfish. She was in so much pain and just wanted a break from it all, and all that meant was a phone call from me. I was so concerned with how I was dealing with her cancer and how much it hurt me, that I couldn't even pick up the phone to say hi. I should of called her everyday, and went to see her more...and I just didn't. My dad was right, now that she is gone, I have so many regrets. I feel so guilty, and I feel so ashamed of myself.

I wanted to post the euology that I gave at her funeral, but that is a little too personal to me. That is something that I want to save for myself and the loved ones that were there that day. Not just yet, but maybe someday. But Gram, if you are listening...

I am about to finally graduate college, just like I promised you. I still lock the door behind me every time I come into the house, and the wedding was beautiful and truly the happiest day of my life. I am sure you noticed when dad and myself were crying like babies during the father daughter dance. We were talking about you and how we wished you were there. And I know it was you who made the rain go away! So thanks. Thanks for my first puppy, for always being at my softball tournaments in 120 degree heat, and for always being supportive. Thank you for being you. There is no better grandma a kid could ask for. I miss you terribly and think of you all the time. I know the pain is gone and you are at peace.


Love,
Dani

Goodbye weekend

Weekend is over :(  Got my hair did, spent a night at the driving range. Cannot wait for the beer festival next weekend up in Flag!! I want to write more, but then again no I don't. 

Oh PS- Devils won their first CWS game. Go Devils!!!

Case of the Mondays

Hello all. This last weekend was so nutty. I have no idea whats up with the universe but its definitely something. I had so many blasts from the pasts. Is the big guy upstairs (we all know I don't necessarily believe in God, but someone is responsible) trying to tell me something? Are my last days approaching? I'm nervous. Last Thursday I went with my best friend to Roosters. Its in Mesa, Arizona. It's a landmark, you must go if you have not been. Every Thursday night is nickel beer night. Needless to say we almost drank ourselves to death. It was girls night out which is always a blast and much needed at times. I ran into an old friend from high school which I was not expecting. We ended our friendship on horrible terms and have not seen each other since. We share mutual friends so part of me knew it was inevitable. It was surprisingly refreshing. Even though we were drunk, it was good to chat, and see where we were as far as being comfortable with each other.

I am not going to get into details. I share a lot, but some things need to be private. Not to mention I really don't feel like re-living all the drama that went down. So anyway, we chatted. Actually, we talked, for awhile. I apologized, which is something that I don't do often. I am very prideful. I am also a big girl and can admit when I've done something shitty. I honestly wish I could take what I did back, I feel like I missed out on a lot. The other part of me says I did what I did, and I have to accept it, learn from it, and even appreciate it. I feel like if I hadn't made the choices I did, I wouldn't be where I am today. And I am pretty damn happy today. I have a wonderful husband, a beautiful house, amazing friends, and the best family. Things happen for a reason and maybe we were meant to have a falling out, not talk for 8 years and then find each other that night. Whatever the reason, I am embracing it, and I am even a little excited to see what lies ahead.

In other news, the Sun Devils are going back to Omaha! Mike and I had the best weekend at the super regional games. Clemson didn't have a chance. Mike went to Omaha with my dad and some buddies a few years ago for 2 weeks and had the best time. ASU was there the year they went. We have decided that if ASU makes it to the championship series, we will go. But 10 days in Omaha is a lot, considering we just got back from NYC. 

Mmmm what else? OMG, can you believe the weather we are having? Its been in the mid 80's to 90's all weekend. Its gorgeous in Arizona right now. Now I am totally convinced something is up with the universe...good weather, old friends...whats next? :)

Happy Hump Day

I am sitting here at the toy store bored out of my mind! AHHHH! So tired of bratty kids and bitchy moms. Luckily, I have my husband here with me. I actually like to work when he is here. We talk mad crap about pretty much everyone that comes in. We comment on their clothes, their accents, what bad parenting skills we think they have...its very entertaining.

This week is going by so slow. There is nothing going on until tomorrow night. Me and my best friend and some other gals are having a girls night at this place called Roosters. Its been around for like 986568 years, my parents even went there when they were young. On Thursdays they have nickel beer night. You heard right, NICKEL BEER night. There isn't much out there that is as much fun as paying for some beers with a friggin dime.

Saturday, Mike and I are going to the ASU super regional baseball game. Some day drinkin, a baseball game with your best bud, it doesn't get much better.

I am going to Sephora after I get out of here, I need something more peppy in my wardrobe. I've decided on some new, fun colored nail polish. I have become quite the MAC girl- you get what you pay for! The girl that did our makeup for the wedding used it and turned me into a convert. Although I don't look like the girls you see on TheDirty.com So it's between this awesome green color and bright yellow. No, I haven't turned my back on pink quite yet, but thats what everyone is expecting. I am not predictable.

Pac-10 is KING!

Those of you who know me well, know I am the biggest ASU fan you will ever meet. My family has had football, and baseball season tickets my whole life. Mike and I have even had basketball season tickets the last few years.

When I am not an ASU fan, I am a big Pac-10 fan. Infact, there isn't another conference that I like. I especially HATE HATE HATE the SEC. I would rather root for UA than any team in the SEC. What I hate most about them is their fans. I have been glued to the Women's College World Series for the last week and everytime they make a good play, have a good hit, or beat a team, they start chanting "SEC SEC SEC."

I have never in my life heard any other team from other conferences do this. When we kick their ass in pretty much everything but football, they don't hear us chanting "Pac-10 Pac-10 Pac-10." Maybe we should. That being said, GO HUSKIES! Please bring home the 4th straight Championship for the Pac-10. The Pac-10 OWNS the Womens college world series.


Just a quick side note, for 3 straight years, the Championship has not left the state of Arizona. My heart always lies with the Devils!

My new obsession

These purses are by Judith Leiber. If you are a big fan of Sex and The City, you saw her cupcake purse in the movie. These are some of her new ones that are my favorites. They are so expensive but when have I ever been one to care about the cost of a handbag? Look at them! They are portable works of art :)

This is Ally. We call her Ally Cat. She likes to use my macbook too. This was actually taken on the bed as I was packing for NYC. Don't worry, our room is actually clean, it just looks messy! So today I found out that I am a retard. I got all my summer school classes mixed up- which means Mike and I have to postpone our Idaho trip by a week. Kind of sucks because we had it planned to where it was for sure just going to be just us up there. Hopefully thats still the case.

What else? Ohhhhh! We are joining a gym. It was park of Mike's big raise that he just got at work. I think we are going to join Lifetime Fitness. Its close, and its nice. No more of this LA Fitness bull. 

I have decided that Paradise Bakery and AJ's have the best iced tea. Nothing is as good as what I had in Texas, but it will do. Texas tea is sweet, and thick. It was amazing. 

I am sitting here at the toy store bored out of my mind, hence the rambling. We still haven't figured out our 4th of July plans. I want to go out of town. I'd love to go camping. I want to go camping so bad. What is everyone else doing for the 4th? 

Ok enough torture. Have a nice day! 

D

While I was updating my blog, I had to upload this picture. This is a picture of the Washington Monument our first night in D.C. I took this!! I am so proud since photography just became a little hobby of mine. Enjoy :)

YIKES!

Holy holy cow! I has been nearly 6 months since I have posted anything. Where does the time go? There is so much to update everyone on. Well ok, so there are only 2 major things that have happened since my last post. 

-I turned 24- so NOT cool

-I got married!

Thats right, I am officially Mrs. Shaw. Its so weird. I still tell people my last name is Rainwater and I still sign my last name as Rainwater. I guess that will come with time. The wedding was amazing, and most importantly, I married the most amazing guy! Maybe someday I'll care enough to post pictures, but whatev.

So right now, we are just enjoying our time together. We have even done a little traveling. We went to NYC and Washington D.C. & had the best time. We got to see so much. I'm excited for our summer, we have so much planned! Beer festivals, camping trips, a trip to Couer D'Alene. I have no idea if I am even spelling that right. Its in Idaho and one of the most gorgeous places on earth. Be jealous!

That is all for now...I am watching the first tonight show with Conan, so far so good!

D