I seriously have so much on my mind right now. Its literally running 9865874354165 miles a minute! I have a final essay to do by midnight at Thursday, I have to get my lazy ass to the gym, I must have sex with my amazing husband (will explain) I have to plan for the 4th of July, get ready for 2 summer classes that start next week, give Boston a bath, get a kitty spayed, pick out paint, clean out our closet....all this while my heart breaks for Mikey.

First, the sad stuff. Mike and I were driving home from the driving range last night and got into a little discussion about family, how everyone is so different, and thats its ok to not like certain people and not get along with certain people. We stopped at Sonic to get some drinks (they have the best summer drinks) and all of a sudden Mike wouldn't look at me. He sniffled and my heart sank. I knew he was crying. To make a long story short- Mike and his older brother have drifted apart over the last few years. They are 2 different people, who see the world much differently and are on 2 different pages in their lives. We talked about how they don't really get along, definitely don't agree on much, and how family get togethers seem like a chore. I was so heartbroken for him- me and my brother are about the same distance in age, but we are very close. Mike said "he just isn't the same to me anymore. He is a different person. I miss my big brother." UGHH. It was awful. I felt completely helpless. I explained to him that people change, and he understands that, but it still doesn't make this any easier. Things change when priorities change, and I am sure Mike and I will get there someday. He is just tired of being cast aside like he doesn't matter. He is tired of being the black sheep of his family, and wants to be looked at like the man he truly is. He has a house, a wife, a family of his own, a job, and a life of his own. People need to stop treating him like "little Mikey." Family get togethers should not automatically become babysitting jobs, and thats all they are to Mike and I anymore. No one ever asks how we are (it doesn't bother me because I just don't care enough) but I know it bothers Mike. No one seems to care about whats going on in his life, whats important to him...its all about the kids. THE DAMN KIDS! I say it like its their fault, and its not. Its the people who don't care about anyone but themselves and how cute their kids are and how cute it was that their kid took a shit today. WHOO-FUCKING-HOO! We don't care. We are at a place in our life where we don't even like kids and we don't want to be around kids. Hate us all you want, but at least we are honest. I don't like fake and I definitely do not like people who put on this display that their life is perfect. No one is perfect. I don't like people that have to be the center of attention, that have to be on top all the time, and that need other people's praises. It makes me sick. I don't even know where I am going with all of this. Bottom line- I feel for Mike. I feel terrible for him. I wish there was something I could do. The person I love most in this world is hurting and its not fair. He is such a good person and doesn't deserve to be treated like a second class citizen is his own family. He was the last to find out what the plan was for his own mothers 60'th birthday. That is a crime.


Good stuff- we are right in the middle of picking out paint colors for our house, planning a few vacations, and Mike's birthday is next week! I have something very special planned for him. I have an amazing family, great friends, and I am married to my best friend. Life is pretty good right now. Lets face it, it could be a lot worse. Ohh! Not that everyone wants to hear about our amazing sex life (I don't gloat like other people) but I just had the thought that after that huge rant about kids- it would be just our luck that we get pregnant soon. Don't be a fool and wrap your tool! If it does happen sooner than we want, then so be it. Thats life and you roll with the punches. However, we are still undecided on whether or not we want kids at all. Only the future will tell!! :)


GRRRRRRRRRR! Let me just say that I am so incredibly mad for Mike right now. He is too nice to get mad so I'll do it for him. I am not afraid to tell people how I feel and if it hurts their feelings then so be it, at least I am honest. That's all I have to keep telling myself.