September

It has been almost 4 months since I have written. Four. Fucking. Months. You know how it goes.

Me: "I swear I will write everyday!"

Blog: "Yea right. Just like you workout everyday?"

Me: "That was really harsh. I do think about you all the time, I just get uhh...busy."


Then my blog flips me off and we stay silent for awhile before finding our way back to each other. Such a love/hate relationship.

This summer was crazy. We traveled, a lot! It was so much fun getting to see different places and having new experiences with my boys. We of course traveled to Coeur D'Alene, our home away from home. It was fun. We swam in the lake. We kayaked (a first!). We SUP'd (if you don't know what this is, google. Now!). We are tons of great food. We had bonfires on the beach.  We enjoyed being outdoors in July (unheard of in Arizona). And then we realized we stayed too long. You know you are a crazy cat lady when you've been gone a mere 2 weeks and have a cry sesh about missing your kitty back home.

Anyway! We went to Seattle for a weekend which was great. Neither Mike or myself had ever been there. It was really expensive, which I didn't expect, and super busy. I love to travel to places in the off-seasons as I feel you get a much better experience. Note to self, try Seattle again in the fall. The famous Pike Place Market was amazing though...really. I wish we had stuff like that here in AZ.
We also did some camping, went to Disneyland, and spent a lot of time with family in Flagstaff....

Its now September 2nd, and my son has been in preschool for 3 weeks. What the hell happened? Where did the last 3 years of my life go? Insane. I've traded Karaoke Wednesdays for PTA and Room Representative meetings! My dream car is now a mini-van. No joke. Before you blast me, have you checked them out? Super convenient. And when you have 2 rambunctious boys (one being my husband) you want all the comforts you can get. Besides, we road trip, a lot. Would you be complaining if you were able to play your PS3 to pass the time? Didn't think so.

2013 is more than halfway over. Its been a great year so far. Lots of ups, lots of downs, but I honestly don't think I would change a thing right now. I said that to someone in a conversation the other day and they were completely surprised by my answer. I'll get to that in a minute. But I just have to say, we bought a hot tub. Hells yea we did! If you don't own one, I highly recommend. Sell your first born, whore out your sister, I don't really care how you get one, just do it. What it has done for our quality of life is unmeasurable. Its the perfect place to unwind, have a cocktail, smoke a joint, or just have a nice chat with my husband after a chaotic day. Anyway... I had a loss this year, the loss of a good friend (not dead, just drifted apart). We've been friends for 10 years and literally just stopped talking. Weird right? Okay, I am kind of, sort of lying...there was a tiny falling out. But nothing that warranted the end of our friendship. To protect the other party, I won't get into details. No drama for your llama!

For months I was so mad. All I could think was "we were never the friends I thought we were". And the truth is, we weren't. We were more. You didn't say ones name without the other. We could finish each other's sentences. I could know what she was thinking with just a funny look. Soul mates. Sisters.

I was pretty devastated, although I never shed a tear. Which was weird. I once cried because my cat looked at me funny. But after not having her in my life for awhile, I realized, I'll be okay. Life will go on as it tends to do, and I'll come out the other side, just as I've always done when I thought I couldn't go on anymore. I'll always love her, and she will always have a very special place in my heart. We are just on two different paths in life, and that is okay. I have nothing bad to say about her, and I will probably junk punch you if you do. I want the every best for her and her life, whatever that may mean.

For the longest time I had it in my head that we all needed to walk the same path. How could we be friends if we weren't going to end up in the same places? There were 4 of us to begin with and slowly but surely 2 left our lives and the strongest 2, the closest 2, remained. The other truth is, we were just meant to be friends. We were never on the same path, and made it work for 10 years. We went to college different places. We had different taste (still do!) in guys. We have different styles. I'm not even sure we liked the same foods. But we made it work because it was important. My hope is that maybe somewhere down the line it will be again. Someone once gave me advice that has stuck with me forever, and its definitely one of my go-to's: "Nothing is ever set in stone." Old friend, if you are reading this, know that I think about you often, and I hope you are finding your happiness.

I hope anyone reading this will stop and take a look at the relationships in your life. They are important. And its important to make an effort, even when you know they haven't. I made a lot of excuses as to why I didn't call or email. And right now, as I type this, I'm still too prideful to make that first phone call (let's be honest, I wasn't the only flake. Jack and I are still waiting on that phone call for the zoo!).  Is it hypocritical of me to tell you to examine your own life and relationships and to make an effort when I won't? Probably. But you cannot fault me for never being honest. I want the best for you, too!  Seriously, I do. If you are reading this, you were apart of my life in some way, at one point or another. Maybe one day I will learn to let my guard down. I can tell you this, I was a good friend. I am a good friend to the people still in my life. I will move heaven and earth for my friends, my loved ones, but I do expect the same in return.

The older I get, which is happening a lot faster than I'd like, the more I realize two things are truly important in life: the people you surround yourself with. And a great handbag.